Creativity or Stability?

So you think you have talent. You practice, everyday at your talent. But you also have other obligations to think of and take care of - if your not still living at home with mom and dad. It's simply a question of balance you tell yourself. But if your paying bills and trying to make a name for yourself - on your own - how many pep talks on average do you give yourself a week. Disappointment and becoming discouraged is nothing new to any type of artist. For me, I struggle with this more and more lately (especially with my MFA winding down).

As a little girl I pictured myself as the boss, the person in charge of some fantasy corporation. I was confident and the go to person that held things together. Maybe its my Leo nature to portray myself in such a light, but I still keep that picture in the back of my head today. What do I really want to be when I grow up? My knee jerk answer is an author/writer. Then I met a girl at school who said to me, "being published doesn't certify me as a writer. I am already a writer because I write everyday." Touche.

So I'm a writer. I am devoted to that. And I'll admit, I still want to be published (soon) for others to believe in the writer in me too. (For those that need to see to believe) And I know by heart the things I need to do to get there and I make time. But there never seems to be enough time. At times I do feel caught in a circle of too little, not enough, and almost. Would having a full-time career in an arts organization (something I aggressively pursue everyday) make me more fulfilled? I don't know but I'm hoping. Would a publication credit make me more fulfilled? Probably, just momentarily I assume. But everyday I think, this struggle is worth it, I will reach my goal of accomplished writer.

Yet, my path is very unclear. I understand writing takes time. But I want things now. I like to shop, to buy books (obviously), to go out with friends, and writing is not footing this monthly bill. So can I have it all the little girl dream and the big girl ambition? I'm definitely trying. These economic times are not helping me explore my options. Do I play the starving artist role and patiently await my dues? Do I try and make it in the arts culture anyway I can? How do you get into the arts culture (beyond being an independent writer)? I volunteer at the public library and would do more but my day job does not allow me extra time for it. When will the economy bounce back and put a strong wind in my wings?