write now

Can You Believe It

2011-09-11T14:59:00.000-05:00

I AM SHOCKED at a recent finding at my front door. Do you remember a past post discussing the evil world of book theft and the untrustworthy postal system? Well it appears that my posting while still pertinent to many around the globe does not actually pertain to me. Take a gander below:

This is what was at my door. And for all those not able to see the fine detail, allow me to share with you my own up close inspection. Those dark spots at the top under the packing tape are dead bugs. Yes DEAD BUGS TRAPPED IN TAPE. The whole package is covered in dirt and the bottom right corner has seemingly buckled under what I can only image to be a lonely, dirty, and unfavorable voyage from the bookseller's shelve to my door. If you haven't concluded it already, let me tell you this is my SUSPECTED stolen book finally delivered 3 to 4 months after the fact. Now I have two copies of this fabulous book and a moral complex if I should apologize to the suspected (now imaginary) book thief I lectured several post ago.

It appears to me now with the "red herring" in hand that my package was not carried off my any opportunistic book enthusiast, but rather delivered to the front apartments of my building rather than the rear. And I remind you I DID put signs up around the building and I DID go check the front foyer with no success. It is my suspicions now that the package was perhaps inside the front door inside the foyer that gives dwellers access to the stairs to the upper apartments. This door would have been closed upon my previous inspection and thus why I had no success in my investigations. It is also possible still that there is a book enthusiast in my building that held on to the package but did nothing with it out of guilt for these many months and when the moral dilemma became too much for them they returned it to its rightful door mat. Either way, I am just glad it finally arrived. Because I have two copies now I can gift one of them to someone. Although this was not my original intent I do love gifting books to people. I already have a few in mind so if you're birthday is coming up soon watch out for it or I might wait until Christmas if I need the perfect gift for someone who has everything or is just plain hard to shop for.

Chat soon!

Buried in W.Burroughs' "The Naked Lunch"

2011-09-05T18:10:00.000-05:00

The first time I heard of William Burroughs was in college. A girlfriend mentioned his name and book ("Junkie") in passing along with Jame Frye's "A Million Pieces." I read "A Million Pieces."

Sidenote: I still loved that book despite what Oprah's says.

Back on Track: Burroughs still stayed in my mind as a must read author. Of course, this does not mean I went out and bought any of his books right away. College was a long time ago for me. Sigh, nostalgic glance/stare at nothing specific, float back to reality. At home one day, I was looking for a good reason to buy more books and I turned on a documentary on William Burroughs, a Netflix instant watch selection. I only watched about a third of it because I really should have been doing other things for work - the work that pays me. But in that thirty minutes I actually saw the man, heard him speak, and began to get the idea of his attitude. I knew he did lots of drugs and liked to drink - a lot. But I didn't know much more than that. Those thirty minutes talked about his attitude toward sexuality and what he thought about himself being called "revolutionary." He didn't seem to make a big deal out of it. He was just being himself or that's how I took his attitude. He wasn't one to speak out unnecessarily about himself or opinions. Yet, he didn't seem to pass over the questions asked of him.

I also learned in the brief time I watched the film that "The Naked Lunch" was among his early novels. I think the film said it may have been one of the first novels he started to write but not necessarily published first. Having a thing for first books lately (read previous post) I bought it. It just so happened one of my writer date friends had the book too. So we decided to read it together and gave ourselves two weeks. As I normally do I began the book on my train commute to work. It took me just the first page to realize I'd gotten myself into something sick, deep, and truly beyond my norm. Two weeks was not going to be enough, I knew that right away. And luckily, my girlfriend agreed. We agreed to postpone our reading schedule to focus on other projects. Because I have uncontrollable type A tendencies I kept reading the book. I figured it was going to be one of those books you have to read over many times before you even break into understanding it. If my own intuition wasn't enough the guy at the DMV warned I'd gotten myself into something deep, sick, and best to read many times over.

I'm not sure how to read this book. Earlier in the summer I read a book that made me uncomfortable, but not like this book. It's not a straight narrative, I think its a pschological narrative, if that makes sense. Its been just over four weeks and I still am not at 100 pages of this 200 page book. Now there are lots of plain ole busy life reasons I have not gotten far in the book. However, to be honest I don't think they are the culprit this time around. It bothers me I have to work so hard to try and keep my head above water when reading this book. I find myself just pushing through the pages as fast as I can because I already know I have to reread it.

I'd like to hear other peoples opinions and advice about reading Burroughs or other novels/authors they found difficult to keep up with. I know some people don't even keep going if they aren't into the book or author. I can understand that, but I would at least like to get through one whole book of Burrough before writing him off as "not my kind of author."

Wish me luck, I'm going to need it. This is certainly a book I will be reading the notes and extras at the back and wish I could have read in a class with a teacher or expert helping me along the way.

Growing With Your Favorites

2011-08-14T17:43:00.000-05:00

I recently finished "Lying Days" by Nadine Gordimer. For those just tuning in she is my favorite author. About a year and half ago I thought I managed to read all her novels and felt pretty accomplished as a fan. But upon acquiring a critical work of hers that listed all her titles I was delighted and surprised that there was almost more than a handful of her novels I had only not read, but did not even know about. These turned out to be her earlier works, the titles you won't find in most bookstores and have to search for online. I asked and got many of these titles for Christmas that year. "Lying Days," was among my gifts and what thrilled me even more about receiving this title was that it was her first novel. Having it in my possession felt inspiring and like finding a "golden ticket" in a Wonka bar.

When I sat down to read the book I soon felt deflated. It usually takes me about five pages to really lock into one of Gordimer's novels. Her writing has an air of assumption that is not always easy to slide into. Her first lines typically volt the reader right into the story, a character, or setting. It takes reading through a few pages to acclimate oneself into that world and learn the subtle cues in her writing that add depth to her story. I was shocked upon beginning the "Lying Days" to discover how bored I was as a reader. There was significant time and attention spent on describing an opening scene. Rather than an insightful description of place the writing came off indulgent and wordy. It was a sharp contrast to her later novels that tend to be shorter with more concise language.

I tried to begin reading the novel at least four different times, never getting past the first twelve pages. I had many other distractions at the time, one including my thesis so that may have contributed to my lack of devotion. About a year or more later I decided to revisit the novel again and felt better about sliding into the story. Those first twelve pages finally seemed to be filled with some riches upon reading them the fifth time. I was still bored in some places, but I was letting myself really read the book instead of just trying to absorb the book. This may only make sense to dedicated readers, but sometimes when one sits down with a book they are just absorbing it or trying to get through it without even knowing it. This is also another reason many people advocate for re-reading books. So that one can go back and see the things that they may have missed or overlooked without knowing it.

I managed to finish the book between reading it to and from work and at night when I allotted the time. It's not one of my favorites of her, BUT I found it very insightful to her as an author. Gordimer's novels tend to focus on the lives of people in South Africa living during political turmoil. Her stories focus entirely on the character and not so much the political atmosphere, yet, it makes the reader feel the important struggles and choices people in that world had to make daily.

"Lying Days" on the other hand was more a coming of age story. It focused on a girl becoming a woman and facing that pivotal point in her life in South Africa where she had to decide if she was the type of person to join the cause or live outside of it. I liked the novel and the story as I could relate it to Gordimer herself. I don't think it was any coincidence it was her first novel. Everyone's first novel seems to tell something of themselves one way or another. And reading about her life in an interview online also makes me believe it was an important story for her to write. What was also different about this story compared to her other works is the uncertainty her lead female protagonist feels about herself. Most of Gordimer's woman character (that I have read of) come off strong or at least at peace with themselves and who they are and the lives they live. Helen, in "Lying Days," at first seems she is this way too, but is really fighting herself to be the woman she thinks she should be.

Gordimer's writing stayed indulgent, wordy, and at time very lofty throughout the novel. I think she could have cut some of her philosophical tangents and achieved the same affect she wanted in her story. True, young character coming of age do tend to over analyze, but that's not what readers want to indulge in with them. Readers rather indulge in the character's choices and consequences of their choices. That is the juice that helps carry a reader through the story.

I'm glad I finally managed to put "Lying Days" on my read shelf. It helps me see Gordimer's transformation and growth as a writer more clearly. It gives me motivation to sludge through my first novel and the ambition to see past that novel and on to the next one. I have several more of her early works to read still and hope I can break into them faster than I did "Lying Days."

A Big Birthday Post

2011-08-08T12:55:00.001-05:00

I'm another year older and I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up. Well, that's half true, I have too many things I want to be when I grow up, its silly. Pictured above are some of my favorite gifts related to this blog my friends and family gave me. Not pictured is the Barnes and Noble gift card I also received, but wasn't skilled enough to hold for the picture. Excuse the shirt, you'll have to read the message backward because I'm not crafty enough to flip it around.

So far, I have spent my birthday being almost assaulted and spending more money on myself than intended. That's typically for 20 somethings right? I got up early and made myself cute to renew my driver's license. Because I have not changed my address on my license since I graduated college (for two reasons I am lazy and one of my best friends still lives in that apartment) I did not receive my renewal reminder. Luckily, my boyfriend got his the other day and it reminded me. I had the day off work so it wasn't that big of an inconvenience. Strolling into the municipal building, there was a woman ahead of me carrying several bags and wearing a...rather revealing outfit. I hesitate to state it that way because if fitted properly I don't think the outfit would have normally been revealing. But in any case, her shorts were a size too small or just too short to begin with and they rode extremely high up her backside.

There was a moment when I was trailing her into the building and trying not to notice the more than half exposed bottom of hers that I thought, "should I tell her that her shorts are riding up or is that impolite." I decided it was impossible for the lady not to know the situation going on behind her and concluded perhaps, she didn't care. So I carried on to the DMV. She seemed to be going in the same direction and at one point I was making my way past her. I glance briefly at her as happens when you past people walking or perhaps I looked out of sheer curiosity. Either way I soon found I needed to throw up my arms in defense.

Maybe the woman was having a rough morning and didn't enjoy the attention of others (review wardrobe choices), or maybe she was having a bad hair day. Either way when I was passing her she took the arm closest to me holding several bags and swung it towards me. She then proceeded to yell at me and tell me I smell like alcohol and more obscenities. In turn, I told her she was crazy (reflecting back now never tell a crazy person they are crazy, it promotes craziness). I increased my walking speed and turned into the DMV glad to be rid of her.

Naturally, she was going to the DMV too. She swaggered in, dumped her bags into an empty chair and moved to the back of the line directly behind me. Like any seasoned city person I ignored her hoping her crazy wouldn't fare up again. Wishful thinking. I felt her lean in touch the back of my hair, and take in a good sniff. When I turned around and told her not to touch me she started in again with the comments of me smelling like alcohol. Now, while I admit I like a good glass of wine, I typically only drink after noon. It was only 9:45am at this point so I had to refute her claims. Luckily, I didn't have to stand in front of her too long before I was able to be called to a counter and complete what I had came there to do.

Not the way I planned on starting my morning. But I made up for it with some retail therapy. And although I had a gift card for the store I went to I still had to hand over more of my own cash than I intended to give up today. Yet, when it's your birthday, its makes for a great excuse to indulge in the things that make you happy.

The rest of the day should go much better. I plan on drinking the rest of my coffee out of my new mug/over sized teacup (see above pic), taking my pup to the dog beach, and dinner with some great friends tonight. And right before bed I hope to pick out some books to spend my gift card on. If you have any suggestions send them my way.

Thanks everyone for tuning into "Write Now" and making my birthday a day to remember.

Slow She Goes

2011-08-01T13:27:00.000-05:00

Writing has been going slow. Waking up in the A.M. is still very hard. I admit some days I just can't do it. I've now pushed the time back to 6:45 A.M. and thats just so I stay a nice person. When I tried to get up any earlier too many days in a row, I felt like a person I didn't even know. But the good news is, whether I'm getting up early or not, I am still trying to make time for the writing. This of course is why its so slow. I can only get snippets of time to do the writing before I'm off or distracted by anything else. But it feels good to at least make these attempts.

BUT if I had to find something else to blame other than myself I'd pick the heat. I love the heat Chicago has been having. The downside, though, is my dog doesn't go for as long of walks, but we make sure to get him out as much as he can stand. And even though the heat can be unbearable sometimes, it's preferable to the below zero weather Chicago can get in the winter. But here is how the heat can work against (me at least) a writer. You start typing. You stop to think. Sweat drips down you arms and little sweat pools form on your computer where your wrists sit. You get up to wipe yourself down, to get a cold drink, to switch locations. Maybe you even turn on the air conditioning. You cool down. You sit back down. You think about what you wanted to write. You get distracted, maybe even sleepy. Sitting on your couch cooled by the AC and beautiful weather out your window sleep seems natural. You're content with yourself and the day, but the writing, the writing has to be done. You will get it done right after your little siesta. Then you pass out.

In my defense, I drank a cup of coffee trying to fight sleep off, but it didn't work. Next time, I'm going to get stronger coffee, move off my couch, and maybe take some speed. Kidding! No after school warnings please. Heat, I love you, but cut me some slack. I appreciate not getting sunburn, yet, this summer season, but I would also appreciate a gentle breeze even now and then to keep me awake.

Mothering and Writing

2011-07-16T17:42:00.000-05:00

As most experiments, the first day results always seems to out do expectations then the remaining days never live up to the first. On the days both girls napped I did better in terms of sitting down to write with the right attitude. It would be the middle of the day, I would be slightly tired, but I'd rally and do the work. On days only one of the girls napped it was much harder to make time during the day for writing. For example, one day I decided instead of posting to my blog in the morning, I would try and get a paragraph or so in while they ate breakfast. This didn't work very well because the older one took advantage of it by eating very slowly, playing with her food, and trying to hide the fruit her mother instructed she eat. The younger one wanted attention and I was instructed to feed her her yogurt if I didn't want to clean it out of her hair and off the floor when breakfast was done. I managed a few sentences that morning, but nothing worth bragging about.

The most valuable lesson I took away from watching the little ones is to try and do the writing before the kids go down for bed. The day I tried writing after everyone was done for the day, I realized I was done for the day too. I had no juice left in me to strung the chords of creativity in my brain. Thus, that day no writing got done. Well maybe part of a sentence, that counts right? This helped reinforce my getting up early to write ambitions. The pro writers, if that's what you'd call them, have the right idea. Do your work first thing before the day gets tainted or bogged down with the happenings of life. I've been home a few days now and haven't kept to my writing schedule because I'm being selfish and giving myself some days off. But come tomorrow, I'll get back on that horse.

In other related news, I think I am going to get rid of my desk. I love my desk because its old and has character, and a LARGE top surface for clutter to mingle on 24/7. The problem is I rarely sit and write at my desk. For example, I am writing on my laptop now at my high top table, looking at my desk. It fits well in my apartment, but it would also clear up more space to walk around in the apartment if it wasn't here. The functionality of the desk is low, based on my not using it, and I always want more space in my apartment. So, is getting rid of it the right thing or should I hold on to it for ... for what purpose? A writer needs a desk, right? A space they can mark as their place of creation? Maybe, maybe not. I'm going to think it over some more, but I did just clean it out today. I don't want to put it in the back alley it does deserve better than that. Maybe I'll try and sell it or give it to one of my friends. I'll keep you all posted.

Success

2011-07-11T09:33:00.000-05:00

The first day was good for me, the babies, and the writing. We attended a baby date with one of my best friends from high school and my nieces were having so much fun they played right through nap time. We got back home right about when they would have been getting up from nap time. So I switched up the schedule a little on them and let them sleep for like an hour and half. I don't know too many things about kids, but I know not to let them nap too long at the later end of the day or you'll be up all night. I took that time to have my third cup of coffee and sit down with my writing. It was very tempting to lay down with the ladies, but I wanted to make an honest attempt at fitting in my writing while "mothering." My word count was better than my early morning sessions, 384. I probably could have written for a bit longer than I did, but this is where the balancing act comes in. If I wrote longer and I'd pay for it by being up all night. So instead I chose to be satisfied with the timeI had to write and kept the babies close to their usual schedule. I don't think I have to remind you all of my feelings about sleep, being up all night with energized babies might break me at this point in my life. So I chose to keep a good balance of my competing priorities.

It all turned out in my favor. I got as much sleep as I could hope for and my nieces aren't cranky or whiny. I'm finding time to blog in the am with plans to work on my novel in the late afternoon. Let's hope I keep it up today.

Blast into the Future

2011-07-10T09:18:00.001-05:00

So, because I'm the "coolest mimi (aunt) ever,"as my niece told me yesterday, I'm babysitting her and her sister for four days. My sister and her husband are going on a long over due vacation together and I get to be "mom" to their one and three-year-old. I've done this in the past but not with both of them or for as long. I told her "no worries, I just wing it." Just in case though she wrote me out several pages of detailed instructions that I am hanging on the refrigerator for quick reference.

Me and the girls get along pretty well and I think things will go more smoothly than anybody may originally think. Of course I'll let you know how I really feel in four days. But during this time I would like to "play the role of mom" as I might really play it with my own children. Amid all the nap times, play times, and eating times, my sister didn't schedule in my writing time. Being single without kids I already find it hard most the time to fit in my writing. Add two kids and it might feel like I should just give up, right? I admit in the past when I have watched my nieces and tried writing a paper or just reading a book it didn't go so well. When I finally got the free time I often used it to nap. But I like to think I have matured since then. So how do you write when you also have two kids to chase around? I don't know, but my guess is to always have your laptop out and bang away at it every chance you get. This will take some training to being able to insert myself back into my characters and story at a rapid speed. If I can accomplish that I might have an all-star quality on my side as a writer. However, if I cant...well that is what editing if for.

Ironically, I was reading a story in Alice Munro's Selected Stories on the flight here that commented on mothers. The story was "Miles City, Montana" and the main character is going on a road trip with her two kids and husband. She is reflecting on herself as a mother and the type of mother she is and wants to be. She says,

"I had dread of turning into a certain kind of mother - the kind whose body sagged, who moved in a woolly-smelling, milky-smelling fog, solemn with trivial burdens. I believed that all the attention these mothers paid, their need to be burdened, was the cause of colic, bed-wetting, asthma. I favored another approach - the mock desperation, the inflated irony of the professional mothers who wrote for magazines. In those magazine pieces, the children were splendidly self-willed, hard-edged, perverse, indomitable. So were the mothers, through their wit, indomitable" (p380).

My sister is a great mother. She takes the time to develop her children's interest and teach them things before they may even need to know them. Mainly, she devotes, a lot, of her time to her kids. I see many great mothers do this and in my single, selfish state of mind I think - I don't want to watch cartoons all day or repeat the same trick 100 times in twenty minutes. And because I think this I don't know how I'll be as a mother. Instead of worrying too much, I think will I worry enough? Or will I be one of those crazy artsy moms who scream out in desperation - Mommy needs to work now go play somewhere else. I know I don't want to turn into a mother "whose body sagged, who moved in a woolly-smelling, milky smelling fog." I don't think any woman really wants that to happen. Watching my nieces is a great trial run and lets me know that not all my worse fears will come true about myself. Having my own kids is nowhere in the near future, but I want to know that when I do that I will still have time for my writing. I know most mothers must deal with this in their own ways trying to stay involved in their own interest as their children require more and more of their time.

So, here I am day one alone with the kids and writing over breakfast and morning cartoons. We'd be done by now and playing outside but my three-year-old niece is trying to whine her way out of eating her banana. And although this may be the only time I write today I know at least I took the time to devote some minutes of the day to the process.

Hanging In There

2011-07-08T12:13:00.000-05:00

It's been a week and I have been lazy about posting. I think about it, does that count? I took the holiday to rest despite my big plans to write like mad over it. I got out of the city which was something I really needed. I would like a private lake cabin to retreat to every weekend of the summer to replenish my mind. Retreating to one is also a great way to get some solid reading done. That is what I did over my holiday weekend instead of writing.

Small confession, I mentioned in an earlier post that I discovered I do not write like Alice Munro as much as I previously thought. This is still true, but also, when I wrote that I had a small feeling that I didn't even like Munro as much as I previously thought. I don't think I shared that because it felt like slightly admitting a previous teacher of mine had been right about her. NO WORRIES, as it turns out reading through majority of her Selected Stories I feel like a mind f**k has been done to me. The stories are arranged in the order that she wrote them and I feel perhaps that why I had those earlier feelings. As I get further in the stories and toward the end I really find myself twisted into some of the character's lives. Tricky of you Alice, tricky. That is not to say I love all the stories only that I developed more of an emotional response to this author than I originally thought I would.

About my EARLY MORNING WRITING, I'm still doing it. It's not as consistent as I would like but it's getting done. I've officially vetoed getting up at 6am until I get used to getting up at 6:30. That little half hour makes a huge mood difference for me. Best feeling ever though is when I do manage to get up right away and get a solid word count in before work. I know if I keep with it it will become second nature, but geez this beginning period is rocky.

ordered, shipped, and RECEIVED!

2011-06-29T11:18:00.000-05:00

My books cames in yesterday. I was a happy receipant of two used books ordered online. Now I feel pressured to finish Alice Munro's short story collection so I can crack open my new books. This holiday weekend is going to be books books galore!

It Continues...

2011-06-28T07:39:00.000-05:00

If you took bets I called it quits after one week - pay up! Last Thursday was the most difficult to get through. I wrote the least amount of words (171), BUT I found something interesting, and important, out about one of my characters. This was huge because as much as I thought I knew what my novel was about I didn't know many specifics about my characters. Well now I know one of them has dropped out of college. That's potentially good stuff, right? Lots of examples to chase after and cause and effect scenarios to arise later.

I took a break from writing on the weekend. The sleep experiment made me more than moody by Friday and I already had a jam packed schedule ahead of me for the rest of the weekend. Monday, I would have liked to sat down and added to the word count, but I took the day to recover from my weekend and pay special attention to my pup. He is sick. This morning, though, no excuse was acceptable and I was up and typing. Another secret reason I avoided writing over the weekend and Monday - I didn't know what to write next. This morning felt tough and each word and sentence was fragmented writing but I squeezed out 228 words. I'm proud of that for now. No onward with the day and the vet I go.

Day Two - Change Up

2011-06-22T22:18:00.000-05:00

295 words today. I had to check that count three times just now because I kept forgetting as I tried to login to my blog. Good indication at how my body is taking the VERY slight change in sleeping pattern. I couldn't get up when my alarm went off today. I got up to use the restroom in the middle of the night and could not fall back asleep for awhile. Its funny how that can happen and not so funny when it puts you on your arse when the alarm goes off.

I didnt give up (completely) though. I fought the sandman! And I eventually won --> fast forward to a half hour after my initial alarm and I got up. I still had the time to give myself an hour to write but I only took about 40 minutes of it because my morning was already off. Instead, I took my dog for a walk - quite a treat for him. The pup is not sure about this whole mom getting up early thing. He likes to follow me to bed and usually gets up with dad, who gets up an hour later and takes care of him the entire morning. And on the days mom is still in bed (I only work part-time)and dad leaves, the pup makes sure to wake me up so I don't waste my morning getting more beauty sleep than dad. Long story short, the pup deserved the walk, my experiment is throwing off his morning too and he walks so nice when he's sleepy.

Story/Novel update: I have absolutely NO clue where this novel is going or what it wants to be. However, my 30 second sales pitch makes it sound earth-moving, life-changing, and marvelous. This morning I just switch into whatever scene I thought I could write and threw my type A personality and need for order out the window. This is something different for me and for now it is racking up the word count and forcing me to figure out my characters and their lives. These are all good things.

Here's crossing my fingers that tomorrow feels more like the first day and not more sluggish than today.

GOODNIGHT.

Finally An Explanation

2011-06-21T19:12:00.006-05:00

What is a sleep deprivation experiment, you ask? Followed by, how could she tweet such a cliffhanger so early in the morning? Well let me explain...

Monday, I played catch up as most writers do after neglecting my writing and writer duties for a good few weeks. This included reading everything in my Google Reader. I struck gold. A past classmate and fellow writer was blogging about something writers always claim they do. And by writers, I mean the visiting writers that travel around the nation for "Reading Series" appearances on college campuses. At these events someone will always ask - "Could you talk about your writing process?" Nine times out of ten the writer will say they make time to get their writing done by getting up extra early to write before their day gets started. How simple, you think, how obvious, right? Then all the students leave thinking to themselves that they will do this early writing technique too (or some students opt for the stay up all night alternative). I, too, thought this every time I left one of these events, BUT I never actually did it.

Well, perhaps it's because it's a person I actually know and admire, but reading her blog the other day really jump started my motivation. So I set my alarm an hour before I usually get up and went to bed at a decent time. When my alarm went off, I mulled over my options (as is always the case when I say I'm going to get up early for anything). And I'll even admit I was going to let myself go back to sleep, I even tried to get back into a slumber. Yet, my guilt, I think, kept my mind clicking at a fast pace and sleep was no longer an option. So I got up and opened up the laptop and began pounding away on the keyboard. I decided to work on my novel project since that was the project I was avoiding the most. I started about 10 minutes after I planned too and I allowed myself distractions because complete focus that early is not normal for me. I wrote, I checked my email, I wrote, I checked facebook, I wrote, I took the dog out, I fed the dog, and I wrote some more.

It was about five minutes from when I told myself I'd call it quits and I thought I'd just stop anyways. I mean how much more could I write. I had 281 words, I was still stuck in the same scene (the first scene) and I had no idea where it was going or what was coming next. Guilt got a hold of me again. I could not quit early. Quitting early defeated the entire point of getting up early to dedicate time to writing. (Maybe I'll save "quitting early" for a time when the experiment becomes more of a habit) So I stuck the five minutes out and ended with 356 words. I was not blown away by the word count. However, put in perspective...I strive to write 500 words a day (I hardly do but that is my long-term goal). If I would have quit early I would have only been just over half way there. By sticking the five minutes out, instead, I was more like two-thirds of the way to my goal. And if I didn't get up early at all I would still be at zero words today. From that perspective I feel pretty good about my writing today.

So why call it the sleep deprivation experiment and not something with writing in the title? Because the hard part about this experiment is not so much the writing as it is the giving up of extra sleep time. I confess I LOVE to sleep. Some people tell me I sleep or want to sleep more than anyone else they know. Eight hours is never enough for me. I prefer to get a solid nine or ten hours in if I can. When I don't, I can be moody and short-tempered. YIKES, right? Well, day one results are in and it was a long, long, long day. But a GOOD one! I was up and alert for a solid two-hours before I wanted to crawl back into bed. But I was close to a Dunkin Donuts to snag a coffee and bring me back to life. I worked a good eight hours, took the pup to the dog park for an hour, and even got in a run. Current status --> TIRED. The couch never looked so good. But the extra encouragement throughout the day from friends that knew right away what I was doing this morning makes me ready to start tomorrow the same way.

In other new, before I go, I ordered East of Eden again along with Joshua Henkin's Matrimony. He was one of my very first graduate professors and I should have read his book years ago. My bad, Josh. But better late than never, right? The books are being shipped to an non-disclosed address for the safety of all parties and objects involved. I want to help the world love literature and read books, but on my own terms. You got me?

Book Crime & Forgiveness

2011-06-20T09:59:00.007-05:00

I am late posting this but I still feel as strong about it as I did a week or so ago. I ordered Steinbeck's East of Eden using a fantastic gift card given to me. I was anxiously awaiting its arrival and after waiting over two weeks and checking the mail at all hours of the day I finally called the store. They claimed the book had been delivered days before, so I called the post office. They seem nice enough to look into the issue for me despite their poor reviews but all they could tell me was it was probably stolen. I will not go as far as to include my list of suspects in this post BUT I will say I was extremely upset. I have already read the book and fell head over heels for it. And when my good friend mentioned that she was going to be reading it soon I jumped at the chance to escape into that world again and have someone to dish the "dets" with.

For awhile afterwards I did not think there was anyway to come back from this tragedy. (No I don't think I am being dramatic) I had my assumptions that someone took the book out of desperation hoping it was a biology book that they could sell for $$$$ lots of dollar bills. Then they opened the box only to be let down. But then I thought to myself, I hope whoever has my purchase actually opens it and their curiosity gets the better of them and they READ the book. And by reading it they become enthralled with literature and its magic. Then because they are sorry for their theft they remember my name so that one day while feeding their new appetite for books and reading they purchase my newly published novel as a gesture of apology for stealing my book (scene fads into darkness and sappy triumph songs plays in background). And that was how I got over my book thief.

In other news - I am way behind on my writing. No new novel additions - but a newly revised Charlie Hoot draft of Story One (it has no title yet, just the first story I wrote in my anticipated series). This morning - through some sinus congestion I will be working on getting a new draft of my "Charlie Flies" story. And despite my lack of writing (insert slap on the hand) I have been more than up to date on my reading. I am juggling three different books/journals right now Alice Munro's Selected Stories, Salt Hill's Issue 27, and Mark Bittman's Food Matters. What a selection, right? Most important thing learned about juggling these particular books --> I don't write as much like Munro as I once thought, nor do I want to. Not in a bad way either, I just know at this point in my writing that that is not the direction I see myself going. It is always great learning things about yourself.

Stay tuned in, more to come this summer.

Today Was A Great Day

2011-05-24T19:08:00.002-05:00

A few things about today:

-I started training for my new job at national non-for-profit. It was very intense. I love it.
- My first of two book orders arrived. (To Kill a Mocking Bird, by Lee Harper & Willful Creatures: Stories, by Aimee Bender)

I am one story short of finishing my recent short story collection (Brief Encounters with Che Guevara, Ben Fountain). The collection is a must read. Fountain's prose transcends the reader right into the the war-stricken, tragedy-ridden, and tormented lives of characters and countries he writes about. I haven't cried, but have found myself cheering for some of the characters. As much as I love this collection, I'm glad I'm near the end because I want to crack the spines of my new books. Buying books is so much fun.

Day One Results

2011-05-19T11:48:00.004-05:00

The writing date was great. Lots more people have discovered our little cafe but it didn't ruin the mood too much. Except, there was the half hour or so when a two mothers brought their kids in to sit down while they chatted. I have nieces and I love kids but to be funny I told my friend, "What do they think this is McDonald's?" Ha, that makes me laugh a little only because my grandpa use to take me and all his other grandkids to McDonald's and lets us order whatever we wanted. Then he'd let us run around in the play structure. These kids, though, to their credit were pretty well behaved for the most part. The only incident that I was not fond of was when one of them tried to break into the bathroom when I was in it. The door was very flimsy and I thought me yelling "Excuse me, someone's in here," would be enough, but the little kid was persistent. Luckily, the door held and there were no embarrassing moments for me to recover from.

As I expected, I did not write as much as I wanted to on our date because we chatted a lot and bounced ideas around and sometimes just got distracted from what we came there to do. I don't mind this though, because the entire experience still adds to my life as a writer and because I miss some of that conversation in other parts of my life. So the writing date produced two friends catching up, discussing MFAs, the benefits of cross genre reading, and about 350 words into my first novel. The word count does not end there. I went home took my over energized pup for a walk (He almost made me cry in public because he doesn't always listen. If you see a woman being dragged down the street by a large puppy, good chance it might be me.) Then I came home and kept writing until my sinuses clouded my train of thought. In the end, I got about 100 more words out of myself for the day.

I put off posting my results until today because I wanted to see if I would do anymore work. I thought about it a lot but never sat down again. Not too bad. Typically, when I sit down to write something new, I am happy if I can reach 500 words for the day. That equals about one full page of words single spaced. It doesn't seem like a lot but if you factor in all the creative thinking and processing that goes behind it then it adds up.

Today, I plan to continue on the novel. More to come.

Page One, Chapter One?

2011-05-17T17:43:00.008-05:00

All the graduation celebration is finally over. I had a party with friends and got the FINAL notice that the graduate office posted a "PASS" grade in my account. School is really over, for now. I've already thought about a PhD program, but we will see where my life is in about five years.

I kept up a good pace of writing once I actually finished my thesis and admit the actual writing has slowed down at bit. However, the process (which includes brainstorming) is still going strong. One reason the writing is not keeping up is fear. Fear of what? Fear of finishing something else. It's a long process and thinking about how long it may actually take is debilitating sometimes. I wrote a couple children's stories, but they still need to be edited and transformed over several drafts. I have a novel idea that I even workshopped a chapter or two during my graduate program, but now I have to grow it. This is where the brainstorming is really picking up speed.

I've determined I'm starting completely over. The section I workshopped is maybe 30 pages and not my best. In this case starting over is easier than trying to salvage anything. But when I think about sitting down and beginning this novel I think more about the individual characters than I do the story. I'm fine with that except I wonder if what I write will be more character sketches or storyline. I'll find out tomorrow. Tomorrow I have a writing date with Ghost Ocean's editor, Heather Cox. We try and meet every or every other week depending on what we have going on. I specifically asked to meet this week to make myself actually start writing again. Plus, she's a great friend to talk to about books and writing in general.

So here is a preview of what I will be writing about. The book is going to follow the lives of two sisters. A tragedy at a young age has made them very close until one sister suddenly takes her life in another direction. The book will follow each of them struggling to find their own identity apart from each other while still trying to hold on to a part of themselves in the past that made them so close. I know that's a vague description, but I have to keep the good, tricky, and "oh no she didn't" parts secret until the book is ready for publication. :)

I will admit the original idea came from events in my own life. HOWEVER, since writing those first few chapters almost two years ago AND rethinking the concept, the book is certainly not following any true story lines. I like it better this way because its more fun, easier not to get stuck on what "really happened," and true fiction.

Lastly, a big motivation to start the writing comes from my grandma. I received a newspaper clipping from her today of a local girl who made it as an author. Grandma wrote at the top of the clipping, "If she can do it, I know you can too." Oh grandma, thanks for the encouragement. ;)
I will post something tomorrow to confess how the session went.

Bittersweet Endings

2011-05-10T08:07:00.001-05:00

Today was the last day of my teaching internship at College of Lake County. I assisted teaching an ELI 108. It was suppose to be an English 108 (or developmental class) but things were misread and I had the option of sticking with it or finding another class. I stuck with it even though it was not what I originally intended to take. It fit well in my spring schedule and I had already had one college level composition class internship under my belt, so I thought this would be an interesting change. By the second week of class I was very happy with my decision. It became very apparent this class was one of those rare classes that really make the teacher as well as the other students in the class happy to be in the classroom. Everyone in the class was excited to be there and VERY eager to learn. It really made the job easy to love and gave me more desire to pursue a teaching career.

Teaching was something I always went back and forth with as a career. I love learning and helping other learn, but I felt too young to be a teacher. I know this is probably a common enough feeling for recent college graduates going into teaching careers, specifically, those that teach older students. However, working with these students this semester really helped me look past that reservation. Most of my students were mothers and/or several years older than me, but when I worked with them it felt more like a partnership than this weird setup of student and teacher. Every student in the class just made the semester great and worked so hard to improve their English language writing skills. This experience has also given me the desire to explore the ELI department more in my job search for teaching positions.

So today I wanted to congratulate my ELI 108 class for a great semester and experience. They are determined writers and editors of their work and my exceptional writing news for the week!

How you doing?

2011-04-19T18:44:00.005-05:00

The writing lifestyle is not as glamorous as I would have wanted it to be. But then again what ever is? OK maybe some things in life do live up to the glamor but I find them to be few and far between events. As I settle into my non-grad school supported writing life I wonder if it will ever be as hardcore as some of my friends and teachers. Everyone has their own commitments and at times I do wish I was a notch deeper in the writing community. In time I think I will get where I want to be, but as for now I must say I am glad to be where I am.

Where is that exactly you ask. WELL, I am consistently keeping up the writer habits I managed to acquire during grad school. Here are a few things I've been doing since turning in my thesis:

- Still thinking about some of my thesis stories I was not totally happy with and how I might change them for the better.

- I finished my first Charlie Hoot story and began a second one. A close friend of mine has already read through the first story and has given me some positive feedback. Now I need to dive into the world of children's literature and decide what to do with these stories. Should I try right away for a book publication or should I submit them to a children's journal?

- I've continued to work on my short short and think I've made some good head way with it. I am slow on this project mostly because it takes me in a different place with my writing. Compared to other projects this one is much more fragmented and loose flowing (if that makes sense to anyone but me). I hope it all makes sense by the time I am done with it.

- I've certainly picked up my reading. I have been able to stay current with my New Yorkers as they arrive every week in the mail. This is something I have not been able to do in over 7 months.
- I purchased a lit mag (Tin House) from my favorite books store Unabridged Books and learned that a good selection of lit mags is hard to find in most book stores. The one I got was one of the only three available. So with a few good recommendations I decided just to order another magazine (Salt Hill) straight from the publisher's website. By the time I actually tracked down where I could get it in the city and went to purchase it I figured I would have it in the mail. This venture I am pretty excited about because lit mags was something in the past I had very little time for and never quite got a chance to explore the many available options.
- And when I am bored with all those reading options I like to switch them out with the many books that have gone ignored these past months on my book shelf. I am still trudging through The Instructions and I am determined to finish it. I'm enjoying reading it again, but boy oh boy, books that size can really wear a reader out.

- LASTLY I have submitted to journals AND I even received a rejection notice already from one of those submissions. Even though it was a "we can't use your story at this time" kind of letter it was nice not to have to wait so long for a response.

So there it is folks, my continued life as a writer. I may be dressed in sweats and a robe as I do my work, but if I'm doing it well the words should draw all the same attention that a glamorous lifestyle would. I can live with that.

Keeping up the Momentum

2011-04-07T13:40:00.003-05:00

Since my devoted day of rest I have managed to keep up my busy pace. I have applied to at least five jobs since last week, I wrote 1042 words on my Charlie Hoot project, thought of the next Charlie Hoot story I want to write, and picked up "The Instructions" again (I'm around page 420 out of 1000 plus pages). I'm still working my two internship and volunteering at the Chicago Art Institute.

The only thing holding me back this week is a serious acting out from my sinuses. The up and down weather has really kept me under the weather. If I took a 24 hour allergy pill at 9pm the night before. How bad is it to take another one before that initial 24 hours has passed? Nonetheless, I am pushing forward with determination to at least write something each day. And despite how much I dislike cover letter I think I might finally be getting a handle on them. The pup is at least happy I have more time to play and take him for walks.

Lastly, because I thought it is worth a mention for some comedy. I joined a book club. Except we don't actually read books. Hummm. I joined about two months ago and attended a meeting last minute because I happen to have already read the book assigned. I was the only one that actually did the reading. The ladies are wonderful company and extremely busy professionals. So I applaud their efforts to try and read for the club, but I think they have finally given over to what most book clubs turn into - a social gathering. We did discuss in the last meeting of maybe donating books to charities instead of reading them or maybe reading shorter articles related to our interests. But we haven't made any decisions yet.

...And Then There Was ...

2011-03-31T13:26:00.005-05:00

This is me the other day holding the world in my hand. Well, actually it's seven very small and different worlds I created. Yes, folks that is what a completed thesis stacks up to. Please disregard my appearance, I had little time for anything else at this point in the thesis process.

The first day post thesis I am feeling a little empty. There was no urgency to get out of bed and straight to the computer. I actually felt a little lost as I looked at my pup and asked "What are we going to do today?" Now I do confess I did have several things to accomplish today, but they weren't anything of great significance to me. It is slightly odd to have time to do things now guilt-free.

So what is my next plan of action you ask.

WELL, there is that children's book project I started oh just about a year ago. And there is a new children's book idea I dreamed up about two days ago. There is also about three books on my shelf I started and never finished. Also, there's that challenge to myself to write one if not two short shorts. I have one about half way written in my Google docs. And of course there is my goal to add more interesting writing blogs to my reader - I just need to find some I want to follow. I am open to suggestions. And finally there is that job searching thing I can pick up again.

So I have plenty to do and be done. But today I think I will just relax and go wherever my mood might take me. :)

Back on the Map

2011-03-28T16:01:00.005-05:00

I cannot recall how many MIA messages were sent out to me over the course of the last three months. People I rarely even talk to on a regular basis have reached out to me for a confirmation on my a live status. One of my good friends was even certain I had a new person of romantic interest in my life, because as he put it "I am way off the map." I confess there is no new love interest, it is rather a love affair with writing. Similar to other relationship I had to pour lots of attention and time into this affair. And when the writing bored me or frustrated my patience I did what some lovers do and blatantly neglected the writing, as if only to show it I had a life without it too. But, alas, I always returned and after an exhausting three months I have birthed a collection of short stories.

Things I've learned:

-Revision may never be complete in a writer's mind as they continually work on a piece. I thought I'd made several stories the best they could be early on in this process. Yet, I still find myself tweaking (ever so slightly) them with each read

-I have the patience and tenacity to began and FINISH a writing project. This is important because it's always so exciting to start something new, but it's the ending that might give you trouble. Now I know without a doubt its possible to complete an entire work.

-My writing has grown and I will survive without my workshop. The intense amount of editing I've done in a short amount of time has really fine tuned my ability to hear a cadence of a story. It is such a relief to continually revisit a project and already know what I have to change or take further without having to be told by someone. It is a gratifying moment in my growth as a writer because it gives me the confidence to push on in a project and even try something new to challenge myself.

Now I just have to make sure I get the formatting right for turning in the final project. This is just as tricky as the writing itself because I can't find a clear cut explanation of what it should look like. I've read all the instructions on the school website several times but I'm still unsure about some points. Luckily, I won't be cutting it to the very last second and will have time to reformat if I've misunderstood something. I am just glad to be done so I can rest and read more as well as get back to my other projects I put on hold.

Three cheers for graduation and getting back on the MAP!

I Killed It

2011-02-25T12:52:00.005-06:00

Another deadline killed. It was intense. A two week turn around seemed impossible and made me procrastinate more than usual. But I had no choice. It had to get done so I left myself at least two weeks before my final due date. I'm super happy I made it. Plus, I've worked on these stories so much it wasn't as bad as previous deadlines. I will confess there are two stories that still might get significant work done to them before the final due date. But that is because one is still so new and the other one is finally proving to sound better (at least to me) with the ideas I'm adding to it.

I would also like to thank Awake Cafe for writing space. It was a suggested spot from a friend I received months ago that I finally followed up on. It is at Irving Park and Clarendon on Lakeview/Uptown border. The have large tables for laying out piles of papers and computers, decent music, its bright, and good coffee. I was impressed how large my latte was and that they even gave me a little shooter of water to follow it with. (see pic). My only thumbs down is the food is slightly pricey. Otherwise I see many more trips there in the future!

Now I think I will finally pick up that book I've been staring at all week on my book shelf Short Takes, edited by Judith Kitchen and be able to move Monday in peace.

Smile.

Trucking Along

2011-02-20T22:29:00.003-06:00

I had my second meeting with my reader last week and I feel good about my progress. My reader seemed impressed with my revisions and complimented me on my work. GREAT. Small praise like that is really validating to a graduating MFAer. This is mostly because like it or not I will soon be without my peers and supporting writing community. I remember two years ago when my program director said that there will come a time when as a writer I will not need the workshop anymore and I cringed. But he was right. I no longer enjoy reading through all the workshop comments, I am too eager to get to the revision part. This is growth and I welcome it.

But growth also comes with solitude. My MFA friends I miss you! And I say again, sorry, for never coming out and joining in all the festivities this semester. I promise I am not having fun without you. I am usually sitting on my couch trying to figure out how to type while my pup snuggles in close under my arm. So cute.

Goal: turn my thesis package around one more time before the final deadline. That means I am aiming for end of this week, next week Monday the latest. Graduation is getting real and I want to be on that ship. Plus, I am moving at the end of the month and that lends itself to a suitcase full of excuses not to be writing and I'd rather be waiting to get my feedback from my reader.

Side note: I cannot wait to turn in that final thesis package so I can read books again, or even read all the ones I started and had to put down. I may even finally get through all the ones I bought last summer and never got to. Here is to wishful thinking.

Does Someone Have A Lighter? I Need My Fire Started

2011-02-02T18:17:00.002-06:00

I am not on target and am having trouble getting done what I need to be done. I am blaming the boy and the dog. They have been home and sick with me and I'm not getting much done. But I could be more strict with myself too. Along with the snow, someone please send me focus.

Dragging My Feet

2011-01-28T15:14:00.003-06:00

I am breaking from writing today. I am using my blog as an excuse to keep from finishing a new story. I am naughty. About a week ago I had my first thesis review of all my stories. It went pretty well. Three of the stories were received well with likes and points of "you did this so well" shared between me and my reader. Two of the stories I think he could have done without or at least wanted a lot more from them. Which I expected they really aren't my favorite either. And the last story is FINALLY I think close to being done. Of course I thought that last time and I'm revising it again. At least this revision is concerning something new I put into the story. Overall message, my endings need to be less summary and more of a collision point of all the elements in the story resulting in a breathtaking finale. Everyone knows endings are always works in process though so no surprise there.

I need more pages though. I already knew that too. In fact, that is the story I am running from right now. I stick my tongue out at you story - "Late Start." I think I'm running from ending it because I based it more so than my other stories on a real life event. And truthfully I started another story based on another true life event of mine. Always tough to write and end those stories because you try to distance it from yourself and relive parts of it all over again. If you're lucky you even manage to find some closure about the event if the story goes well. Point being, I am cruising on my thesis work. Sort of. I have new deadlines I am making myself hit. One being to finish that new story tonight so I can begin my other revisions.

Fun side note and real life story. I broke down and got Internet again at my apartment. I canceled it a month ago thinking I was moving and after a several failed attempts to secure new living quarters, I resigned to a short lease extension and calling the Internet provider. The man on the phone asked if I wanted cable too. I told him "No I'm a writer and don't need the extra distraction." He surprisingly seemed very interested and asked if I was a "writer writer." Which I took to mean - Can I pick something of yours up at Borders. I let him down easy and told him I still working on my collection and hope to sell it to a publishing house once its finished. His excitement lessened a little, but he still said, "oh, well how is the writing life working out for you in general?" I confessed, "I eat a lot of spaghetti." He quickly said, "At least it's not Ramon noodles." HAHA oh Internet provider man, you're so funny. Good laughs.

Back to writing. If I get desperate for a break, I might go to the gym.

Just Breathe

2011-01-15T23:02:00.002-06:00

Last Monday I turned in my first large pack of stories to my thesis readers. I want to thank a dear girlfriend for reading some of my newer stories to help me prepare them better for review. It has been a long and tiring process. But I made it and even turned it in at 10am that morning rather than sweating over it all day. But the race is not OVER. I have to generate a brand new story in order to meet my page requirements. While I do not mind creating new work, it makes the time tables very tough. My friends are already sending out MIA messages looking for me. To them I apologize.

Good news I have not slacked off too bad since Monday. I have almost 1000 words on my new story. I will admit I took the weekend off to enjoy my weekend at home for my niece's birthday. However, I will be back at it first thing Monday. March 15th folks, March 15th. Wish me luck. Friends I promise I will try to make it out of isolation sooner or later.

Last Words (no sarcasm) - I LOVE BEING A WRITER.

Revision Breaking My Back

2010-12-29T18:18:00.003-06:00

Oh this rewrite may put an end to my streak. It is not going as smoothly as the other revisions, but to be fair it is the newest story. Grrrr I will get through this revision. I am back to writing between 500 - 1000 words a day. This is not terrible but I'd grown into an average of 1500 words a day at least weeks before. The end is near. I will push on. Updates soon.

News on the Eve of Family

2010-12-24T10:14:00.003-06:00

This past month has moved extremely fast. I have completed all my coursework to graduate and have madly be working on my thesis. I was not able to complete everything I set out to do this semester, but I still feel accomplished. Taking a full course load and working diligently on my thesis turned out to be almost impossible. This was mostly due to the work load of one of my classes in particular. It was a Lit Theory class, I admittedly tried to opt out of. However, we had a terrific group of students that made the class fun and interesting when we covered some of the most dry material. I did walk away learning more than I expected and got a pretty decent creative project out of it at the end. Thank you Carrie Brecke.

But since the semester ending I have gone into a deep writing coma. I've been able to revise and turn around four of my six stories within a week and half. I hung a huge desktop calender on my wall and marked out deadlines I insisted I meet. And I did. Not having anything else to disrupt me now because the semester was over helped me immensely. But I would like to contribute the majority of my success to my new puppy, Maverick. I don't like posting personal things on my blog because they are often unrelated to my writing or me as a writer. However, this little guys is like my writing buddy. He gets me up out of bed to start my writing day. He makes me take breaks and walk around the block to recharge my inspiration, and he keeps me from distraction by giving me a serious dose of guilt if I crate him too long to leave my apartment. I've done more work on my thesis in this last month than I have all semester. And its a good thing too because I'd really like to graduate this spring!

Other news, I receive two more rejection letters for my fiction this month. I have since revised the story and prefer the new revision to the one I sent out and feel less phrased by these rejections. I am still waiting to hear back on a job I interviewed for in early fall and feel very positive about the outcome. In the meantime, I committed to a part-time teaching internship at College of Lake County and am excited to work with the students there. The director of the English program was one of the most interesting and enjoyable people I've had the pleasure to converse with. I have also secured a part-time development internship at Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance. I am thrilled to be involved with this organization and branch out into the development field. Thus, the spring is looking very hopeful and I cannot say enough good things about this December.

I'm glad things have been falling into place so nicely.

I hope everyone has a happy holiday. :)

UPDATE

2010-11-23T16:26:00.002-06:00

Last night as I was trying to fall asleep, I received a "rejection" notice for the first fiction piece I ever sent out. Maybe because I was tired, I didn't have the energy to be upset. And yet, in the morning, maybe because I felt reset and neutral, a fabulous side affect of sleep for me, I didn't get upset then either. Then just a short half day later, I received another "rejection" notice, the last of the first batch of poetry I seriously sent out. It was mid-day at this point, around 2:30pm to be loosely exact,and I took a moment to reflect. The insight I ended my reflection with was that I was excited. Excited about rejection, what?! Yes, I am excited because my work is being read this holiday season. And I'm not worried that it may not be exactly what the editors want to unwrap this season, because I know it will be soon enough. HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

Side note: I'm glad I could spin these rejections for the positive because if not, the serious over-eating that would have been available to me would have just been silly.

For Certain

2010-11-19T08:00:00.004-06:00

The only thing that can be for certain is uncertainty. This is a daunting realization and admittedly does not apply to everything in life, but many things. It was also a big part of the message Heather Sellers shared at Roosevelt University's Reading Series this past Wednesday. Ms. Sellers was an undergraduate professor of one of my MFA classmates at Hope College in Holland, Michigan. My classmate always talked about her great love for Ms. Sellers as a person and teacher. Upon meeting Ms. Sellers at the reading I soon realized how engaging she could be. She was exuberant and spilling with energy and love of writing. Her discussion of her life and recent memoir You Don't Look Like Anyone I Know was exceptionally honest and inspiring. Her condition, face blindness, she claims has trained her to live the uncertain of a writer well. She says her condition requires her to live in uncertainty constantly and has translated into her ability to let go of the aghast that sometimes accompanies us writers in our lives.

Having Type A tendencies I allow for very little uncertainty, but I've been quietly and admittedly with slight hesitation letting it into my life. After about two or three weeks of this I surprisingly feel a little more happy. That's not to say I haven't or don't have spells of relapse where repressed anxiety takes over for a few minutes, but then it goes away. What a wonderful discovery. Another thing Ms. Sellers talked about was practice. This tid bit had a hint of humor as well as truth to it. She shared that her best students are the athletes and musicians because they know what means to practice. This is such a simple observation, but very true once reflected on for awhile. She playful made fun at the whiny writers that "just can't drag themselves to the pen and paper" and praised those that just do the writing. For anyone with a slight competitive bone I'd think this would spark a nerve with you. Myself, I felt like "wait, I'm the writer this is my sport. I need to keep my game on point." Anything you can tell yourself to get your writing done that day is worth saying.

October Closing

2010-10-29T10:17:00.005-05:00

It has been several weeks now and I have been in a serious long-term relationship with The Instructions, by Adam Levin. I had an ambitious goal of reading about 100 pages a day to be mostly finished with the 1030 page novel in time for Adam's reading at Quimby's Book Store. I didn't make it past day two. It was very sad. I did continue reading though. I even tried to stay committed to my goal by carrying the book with me everywhere I went. Ben Fountain laughed at me when I told him I wanted to read the book as I traversed around Chicago. (He really did) And I thought, oh Ben Fountain, it will be better than you think. Alas, Ben was right, it was a very trying and annoying thing to whip the book out on buses and trains. It became a constant dilemma of what to take each day given the limited space in my purse and the soreness of my shoulders. (The actual book is lighter than it looks - just 3lbs)

This of course does not reflect the quality of the book. I have been enjoying it. I will say it is very thick in material. This becomes frustrating when I want to stay in scene and am taken out for a stint of background information that will become important a few scenes over. But the stints typically have golden nuggets of information in them that make me smile and carry me along in the book.

I have regathered my momentum and drove back into the book recently. I am just past the 200 page mark. But because I know this relationship is going to be long I want to cheat. Meaning I want to read other books too. This is not an uncommon thing, reading multiple books at at time. However, my type A tendencies make it so I prefer to read one book at a time. Mostly because I do not want to get so far away from one of the many books I might juggle that I have to start over in any one book. (School book not included, yet they are apart of the juggle) I will stay strong. I will make it through all 1030 pages with pleasure and only then will I pick up another "for pleasure" book.

Beyond Book Drama -

I am deep into my new story. I had some trouble getting past a writer's block and fear I would bore my readers with the plot. However, a nice writerly chat with a friend help me see a way out. Her advice, try writing the story in a different medium ie if its fiction your writing try it as a poem etc. Now I'll admit I didnt do that quite, however, I did write some poetry which opened my mind up to where my story could go. I had been thinking about doing different perspectives with this story, but thought it would be too difficult. And she suggested changing perspectives too. And when I finally got some poetry on the page I figured out how the perspective changing could work for me without being too difficult. Now I've been a slave to it and couch sitting. Sometimes I wish the writing process was a little more sexier.

Lastly, AIC volunteer training starts this Saturday. On the list of things to do at training - a museum wide tour. I am excited for this because although I have toured most of the museum myself, having someone go with you that knows everything there might be to know about what your looking at makes it way better.

Now I must part, goodbye October 2010. Never will we meet again.

October Notes

2010-10-14T16:33:00.003-05:00

For Starters -
October has been brimming with appointments and deadlines. My first poetry publication came out this month at pyrta.com. Please navigate accordingly to enjoy my short list poem "If She Had Lived I Would."

Also, I turned in my first workshop piece this month. I received what I thought to be my best feedback on any workshop story. The consensus was I had a definite beginning that had promise and an end that was poignant, however, the in between did not connect the two well. Endings are half the battle in my opinion and a beginning is never really what you think it is, so I felt comfortable knowing the middle (a seemingly safe spot) is where the work needs to be done. Time will tell if I change my mind on this, as a little voice says writing towards a determined end always has it's pitfalls.

Moving on -

I have become very interested in winning The New Yorker caption contest at least once. I leave the picture open on a web page for most the day just banging my head against my desk for wit. I haven't made the short list yet, but a new opportunity comes every week so I have hope.

A confession -
After I turned in my workshop story I feel off the writing wagon for about a week and half. It felt so good to finish the piece I basked in the satisfaction perhaps too long. I could protest with a of number excuses as to why I dragged my feet for that week and half, but I won't.

Redemption -
I have began working on the second story for workshop this semester again. Also, I completed my second draft revision for one of my thesis stories. It did not expand to the length I wanted, but the story is complete. I will take a complete story over page count any day. So with some tweaks to my first workshop story I think I will finally be ready to submit to my thesis adviser for the first time this semester. The goal is to frantically (with care) revise my other two stories to give to him by the time he hands my first set back.

In Other News -
I am now a proud volunteer of the Art Institute of Chicago. I will be working at the information desk in the Ryan Education Center Tuesday afternoons 1pm - 5pm. Please come visit.

Put Down The Controller and Pick Up A Book

2010-09-24T07:11:00.009-05:00

Thomas Spence, President of Spence Publishing Company in Dallas, Texas, writes in the Wall Street Journal Online Opinion Journal his suggestion on How To Raise Boys Who Read. Spence states that the decreasing number of boys that enjoy reading is due to excess playing of video games and Internet use. He supports his theory with a randomized controlled trial performed by Dr. Robert Weis, psychology professor at Denison University. The trial focused on the effects of video games had on academic ability. The results confirmed boys with video games at home suffer academically because they are gaming more than studying. Spence then goes on to questions whether the current solution to attract boys to reading is the right one. Presently, the attempts to lure boys in are made through books in the "gross-out market." This idea is supported by those that believe the problem is that boys are not given books that are interesting to them. Spence claims the problem with this thinking is "if you keep meeting the boy where he is, he doesn't go very far." As a father of six boys, Spence's analysis of the problem seems to be backed up by sufficient "field research."

Reading this article, I wonder what other people's experience or thoughts are about Spence's claims. Video games having an adverse effects on academics is not new thinking. However, I did not expect it to cause gaps between girls and boys reading scores on national standardized tests. My own brother was a video game junky. He would hide out in the basement day and night until he conquered whatever happened to be the game of the moment. This pattern went on throughout his high school career. Yet, at twenty-three my brother is an avid reader. His top reading choices are business and current event books. Perhaps because my sister and I read a lot he eventually picked up the habit too.

I know everyone's different and I guess that is why I posted about this article. I want to hear other people's opinions and what other suggestions they have on raising boys that like to read.

Now discuss.

Writing Contest

2010-09-22T10:01:00.003-05:00

Good information via JaneFriedman's twitter -->

7 writing competitions that are free to enter & can hugely impact your career (major publication prizes)

A Step Forward

2010-09-17T13:36:00.008-05:00

When I was probably a junior in undergrad, I went to listen to one of the many guests invited to speak on campus. I forget why exactly I went to this event, but I know it was required that I go to some event similar to that one for a class I took. The speaker's name was Gregg Michael Levoy. I cannot recall the name of the presentation or even too many specifics,however, his presentation stuck with me for several reasons. For starters, I won his book Callings: Finding and Following an Authentic Life in a drawing at the end of the presentation. I never win anything so I was shocked. But also, the heart of what Levoy talked about truly resonated with me. Levoy, as discussed in his book, promotes the searching for and following of one's true passion or nature. He gave the example of seven different, very successful CEOs. After interviewing them he said there was one uncanny commonality between them all. Before they began their path to great success in their respective fields they all admitted to being very scared. I can't account with certain accuracy all the different levels and reasons for being scared, but I remember that one reason was the risk of failure. Levoy went on to further talk about his own experience and more about what a true passion or calling may look like. I remember leaving the event very inspired. This feeling has stayed with me and has been my most influential push towards doing the things I love, which is to write.

I quit my first job after six months to go back to graduate school for an MFA in Creative Writing. I was still considerably young so quitting a job and going back to school didn't seem as scary. Rather the scary part of that situation was my choice of study. An MFA in Creative Writing does not seemly have a clear career path after graduation. Many people might even argue that if you wanted to write you don't even need to go to school. My doctor at the time even responded to my news with a "Huh, I guess you can go to school for anything nowadays." I have since switched doctors.

In the past two and half years I have worked part-time and pursued my MFA. It has at times been very tough and not always beneficial to the work I turn in at school. But I have worked since I was 16 years old and like the reliability of having some sort of cash flow coming in even if it is minimal. This semester however, should and can be my last if I finish my thesis. I am taking a full course load and still searching for a new job. My present job, however, seem to be complicating my desire to move forward with my writing and search for an arts administration position. Applying to jobs is sometimes more consuming than doing my homework for Lit Theory. Therefore, after much painful internal debate I did the thing most scary to me. I put in my two weeks.

I have no other job lined up just yet. Or I could argue I've finally committed to my job as a student. Whatever way you look at it, I've made a conscious decision to throw all my energy into my writing and living and working in the arts community. I was very unsure of my choice and had several moments of panic since. But then something wonderful happen. I woke up the next day and got the best email ever. One of my poems was accepted by an online journal. It was my first acceptance for a piece of literary work. I was through the roof and felt I truly made the right decision concerning work. Its amazing how motivating the acceptance makes me feel. I am still getting use to actually having the time to write and using it the best I can. But I know and feel there are only great things to come in the near future.

Five Points for Short Story and Poetry Collections

2010-08-17T19:09:00.002-05:00

You know how life is already too busy to fit anymore commitments and "things I need to do" into your schedule? Well, as writers it’s a never ending battle to stuff more and more of these additional elements into our lives. Such elements include social networking, marketing of our written pieces, blogging, and etc. However, as we stuff more elements in the time for the essential responsibilities as writers - reading and writing - dwindles faster and faster. This of course is not always true for everyone, but I'm betting it is true for a good majority. One way I like to fight back against this ugly truth is by reading short story and poetry collections. They are the perfect "bite-size" reading snack that fit into small chucks of time.

Because what often happens when life gets busy unexpectedly and you're maybe half way through a novel? Most often the novel gets dropped for days, weeks, or months at a time. Then when you try to go back, it's hard to get back into the flow of the narrative and/or you may have to start over. Conversely, short story and poetry collections have ample start and end points for readers to choose from as their reading times allows. And leaving such collections to sit for extended periods of time is not as difficult to pick up again once life calms down. True, the reader's overall sense of the collection as a whole may be weaker but their sense of the author's style and voice will be stronger. The reader's exposure to the multiple complete stories/poems by the author will give them a good variety of what the author is able to accomplish.

Lastly, short story and poetry collections that feature different authors is a wonderful way to expose oneself to new authors. Below I've included a list of short story and poetry collections I've enjoyed this past year.

Telling Tales, edited by Naine Gordimer

Civilwarland in Bad Decline, by George Saunders

Nine Stories, by J.D. Salinger

The Pajamaist, by Matthew Zapruder

Catching the New Wave

2010-08-03T21:18:00.008-05:00

My sister and I were recently talking about what we should get each other for our birthday (we are twins). Naturally, she asked me for some shoes. I am a shoe-a-holic. (However, I'm much better than when I was younger) In turn, I had a difficult time trying to give her some ideas. It seems this year there is nothing that I am in dire need/want of. This is a strange occurrence. I was trying to think of something I might need but was to cheap to buy myself. Like a microwave, but I already knew I might get that from someone else. My sister than suggested maybe she could get me a Kindle. She admitted it was something she had thought about getting me for our birthday or Christmas, but was unsure how I would like it.

If you know me well enough, its common knowledge I am the least "techy" person in a group of twenty-somethings. I am a strong advocate of the printed book. The emergence of the new e-reading technology was something scary and evil. However, (pause) I am an open-minded person and do accept change - very slowly. This past fall/winter National Book Critic Circle's Critical Mass - Blog asked numerous guest posters their opinions on the future of book publishing. As expected many had strong opinions about the e-technology. Among the grips and cheers I peeled back some of my own apprehension. This is what I walked away thinking:

I will always love the feel of reading a printed book. There is something special about holding a tangible object someone poured love/hate into. But I cannot be afraid of change, especially, if that is where my generations of writers/readers are headed. Thus, I welcome the exposures I may have to the future of book publishing and reading/writing experiences. So, if I were to receive an e-reader device as a gift I would be more excited than I would like to let on. After doing some basic research on the options available to me, I believe the Kindle is the my choice. I tend to read in high light and/or outside. Also, as impressive as the Ipad is I already own a desktop, laptop, ipod, and digital camera. It is my understanding, the Ipad can offer me all different variations and features that these products currently give me. And although it may be convenient to have all these in one system, I already bought and paid for each individually. Thus, the Ipad has much more gadgets than I really need or will use.

So here is to the electronic generation and me slowly opening my arms to embrace it.

Window Inspiration

2010-08-02T13:46:00.002-05:00

Before traveling home this past weekend I rearranged my apartment. It was something I planned to do when I got back. However, I had several hours to kill before my travel partner was off work and the anxiety got the better of me. It took awhile to figure out an acceptable layout. My couch has a chase segment on one end of it. This small (but rather enjoyable feature) of my couch makes it difficult to position it aesthetically in my small apartment. The one detail I knew I must change however, was moving my desk into the corner surrounded my windows. Previously, it was tucked into an opposite corner with no natural light. It made sitting at my desk for long periods of time difficult. Thus, you can imagine writing at my desk was even more difficult.

So I decided I must move my soon to be (hopefully) wage-making station (that is my desk) to its most optimal position. Which I believe to be near the windows. And as I sit here the first day of change - I am thoroughly satisfied with my decision. The layout in my apartment is not as efficient perhaps as it originally once was, but I am loving the fresh air and out-of-window inspirations I can see as I pound away at the keyboard.

On A Roll

2010-07-30T21:48:00.002-05:00

Really adding to the word count on my children's project. Yah! Got my boss to agree and let me work less this fall semester. This means I have an actually shot at finishing my thesis on time. I am getting excited about the fall semester. And I am looking to add to my volunteer opportunities - hopefully making more contacts in the arts community. ALSO, I have been submitting. It has been a proactive week for me. Hope it keeps rolling, rolling, rolling...

New Look

2010-07-25T16:43:00.004-05:00

In case you haven't noticed, my site has got a fresh look. Thanks must be given to my sister for her vision and insight to my taste. The bright colors make me feel more alert and aware of the creativity mounting in me. A good jumping off point for my last semester towards my MFA.

Additionally, changes to my website have help me reevaluate where I am currently with and in my writing. As my MFA winds down I've decided to focus mainly on those stories and revisions. But it also has allowed me to give more attention to my children's book project. I know, I have been talking about this project for way too long. However, to be fair it is something I want to do well and have great success so I do not want to rush it. I have given much thought to it since beginning many months ago. I think I've got a good angle to complete a new story line. Some of the story lines I started in the past never jumped off the page enough. To further help me build this new idea I've created brief character descriptions for Charlie's best friends Finley and Amaya. Hopefully, we can get their picture up to accompany these on my site.

I've got some more features I plan to implement on my site that will be up, with some luck, before the fall semester. Keep tuning in. As a last note, I decided to reclaim some of the time I devote to reading. In the past two months I have used that time ONLY to catch up on my New Yorkers (which I am still at least 5 issues behind). This has meant my books have been very neglected. However, no more. I am now dividing my time between my New Yorkers and Nadine Gordimer's The Late Bourgeois World. The book is very small, but when you fall off the path, all you need is a place to begin again.

Creativity or Stability?

2010-07-09T16:41:00.006-05:00

So you think you have talent. You practice, everyday at your talent. But you also have other obligations to think of and take care of - if your not still living at home with mom and dad. It's simply a question of balance you tell yourself. But if your paying bills and trying to make a name for yourself - on your own - how many pep talks on average do you give yourself a week. Disappointment and becoming discouraged is nothing new to any type of artist. For me, I struggle with this more and more lately (especially with my MFA winding down).

As a little girl I pictured myself as the boss, the person in charge of some fantasy corporation. I was confident and the go to person that held things together. Maybe its my Leo nature to portray myself in such a light, but I still keep that picture in the back of my head today. What do I really want to be when I grow up? My knee jerk answer is an author/writer. Then I met a girl at school who said to me, "being published doesn't certify me as a writer. I am already a writer because I write everyday." Touche.

So I'm a writer. I am devoted to that. And I'll admit, I still want to be published (soon) for others to believe in the writer in me too. (For those that need to see to believe) And I know by heart the things I need to do to get there and I make time. But there never seems to be enough time. At times I do feel caught in a circle of too little, not enough, and almost. Would having a full-time career in an arts organization (something I aggressively pursue everyday) make me more fulfilled? I don't know but I'm hoping. Would a publication credit make me more fulfilled? Probably, just momentarily I assume. But everyday I think, this struggle is worth it, I will reach my goal of accomplished writer.

Yet, my path is very unclear. I understand writing takes time. But I want things now. I like to shop, to buy books (obviously), to go out with friends, and writing is not footing this monthly bill. So can I have it all the little girl dream and the big girl ambition? I'm definitely trying. These economic times are not helping me explore my options. Do I play the starving artist role and patiently await my dues? Do I try and make it in the arts culture anyway I can? How do you get into the arts culture (beyond being an independent writer)? I volunteer at the public library and would do more but my day job does not allow me extra time for it. When will the economy bounce back and put a strong wind in my wings?

Play and Pain

2010-07-06T19:19:00.005-05:00

I have emerged from the holiday weekend with lots of thoughts about my summer stories and a minimum of fifty mosquito bites. I have now become the artist going mad - or maybe I am just going mad. But my current condition has made my word count rise as I try to keep my fingers from away from scratching my bites and on the keyboard. I would never recommend this method to anyone but it seems to be working for me.

I did not hit my June story deadline. I didn't have high hopes for that anyway. The good news is I still kept writing regardless. I just didn't rush to get it done. Now I'll be working on both stories at the same time. Probably, good for when I get writers block on one I can switch to the other.

For my second story, I am thinking of writing about a girl who loses her memory. The story will open at the moment she regains consciousness and can't remember a thing about her past. She will not have any recall of the past whatsoever. Thus, she will have to cope with starting brand new knowing nothing of herself or those she once knew. I am worried however, this can turn out to be a tricky story and end disastrously. So I need some help avoiding the possible pitfalls of a story like this. Any suggestions of what to steer clear of?

Lastly, I have joined twitter. I pains me to say this because I promise to never join. I already did not have enough time in the day to keep up with the current networking I already do. However, I find it an interesting "community board" of sorts. Its a nice quick method to get out there what I am doing currently and checking in with others. So I'm warming up to it, however, I'm not full throttle on it just yet. But follow me at bturski.

Hiatus Over

2010-06-24T14:59:00.003-05:00

The best intentions always seem to fail us. However, my writing hiatus is over. Well I never truly stop writing, that is the good thing. I just was not writing the stuff I wanted to. Time to play catch up. My last post was about AWP. Here are the best items I took away from that conference:

Marya Hornbacher nonfiction book Madness
Matthew Zapruder (Poet)
Panel Careers in Literary Arts that are not Teaching
Panel The Future in Book Publishing

As previously stated, I was working on a review of Hornbacher's book. However, after having a trusted friend tell me the ugly truth about my review, I realized its not always easy to break into new fields of writing. I was about to dig back in at it when I was offered a freelance job I could not pass up. A job is a job is a job. When someone wants to pay you to do what you like - write - then I suggest you take it. Freelance is tricky. There are too many times the artistic visions of the artist and client do not match up or at least need a "merging" period before a beautiful and agreeable project is produced. My client was a very hard working woman whose only problem was she did not have enough time for all her ambitions. A problem I run into on a daily basis. This is really a good problem covered under to many projects that are not completed. It was terribly difficult to get a hold of her making it difficult at times to communicate about our on-going projects together. When I did get a hold of her however, she was always willing to jump right in and work. Overall, it was a pleasant experience reminding me of the challenges that can come with writing.

My Hornbacher review is now back on the table competing with several other projects I always seem to have going on. However, I am not in a rush to finish it. Trust me, I want to get it up right away, but I feel my speedy ambitions may have been a part of the original downfall of the review. I think I will spend a day reading other people's longer reviews to get a better feel of what mine was missing before taking another pass at it.

Other projects include getting at least one of my fiction stories to a FINAL version so I can start sending it out. I feel pretty good at where I have it now. Awhile back I had one of my other trusted friends (who has had VERY GOOD success) read it. Her comments helped me look at the story with new eyes. She encouraged me to flush out areas where I relied on summary dialogue or general paraphrasing too much. She also reminded me of something my Fiction III professor often repeated - every move has a reason and exact intent behind it. This is difficult to think about when you sit down to write your first draft - the reasoning behind every word. I must learn how to not think of it that way or I may never write another word again because of the weight of thought behind it. The advice makes sense, yet, its hard to apply. I will have plenty of time to practice however, with all my revisions I need to make before turning in pages for my first thesis two session.

Which brings me to other summer project - writing more stories to finish my thesis by December. I want to graduate in December and be done with school. However, I have had small hope of having my thesis finished by this deadline. Nonetheless I have a plan. I need to write at least two stories this summer in order to have (possibly) the bare minimum of pages. If I can complete this I will at least have the two stories I need for my workshop class in the Fall and can focus on producing more to meet the page requirement. The good news is I finally thought up some new story ideas. With some amo in hand I told myself I will write one story in June and one in July. Today is June 24th and I have not yet written the first paragraph of the story. I am not worried. During the school year I wrote a story in a week. (I also had more time to think about it before hand). To my credit I have attempted at starting and adding lines to the story several times. It just has not taken off yet. Pray for me. More to come.

AWP

2010-04-10T09:18:00.004-05:00

I have finally rounded the corner of the AWP Conference and entered the homestretch. The past two nights I've felt a great surge of motivation, excitement, and ambition. Despite listening to the five panelist at "MFA Thesis to the First Novel" all tell me it took them eight years to get their books to print. I'm convinced, by a feeling of a coming break through and absorbed good writer vibes, mine will not take that long. The panels at the conference have been good for the most part. It is always overwhelming to receive the 200 plus page schedule and try to narrow my trip down to four panels a day. All too often I hear patrons leave panels greatly disappointed and let down because the amazing description and title failed to live up to their expectations. This happens for many reasons, the panelist focus on plugging themselves or their work too much, the topic is too narrowly or widely discussed, people abuse the Q&A segment to get on their own soapboxes, or the patron had too high or unrealistic expectations. Fortunately, I have not had that experience this year. Lots of the panels I have been interested in are focused on the current state of the publishing and literary world. I am graduating this winter and have been looking for a job since last September. It's slightly daunting and frustrating to listen to each panelist introduce themselves and tell a little bit about their history because I'm still not happy with my place in the literary world. Sure I am a writer and I am working on everyday making that my main occupation. However, when the bills roll in throughout the month I get anxious and rethink how many hours I should be working at my part time job. It's really a delicate balancing act I am still trying to navigate.
Today there is a panel on "Careers in the Literary Arts" that focuses on occupations that are open to people who do not want to teach. This is a panel I have to reassess my expectations. I must remind myself it is not the end of the rainbow with a pot of golden open positions waiting for my acceptance. More to come.
What I have appreciated most about this trip to AWP is as Dennis Johnson of Melville House Publishing says I am "getting to know my industry." So many times I have had conversations with people about lit magazines and editors etc and felt I was still far at the edges of this world. I rarely knew the "it" people that could make or break a writer's career. It seems like every industry has these "god" like figures with ambitious minions fighting each other off to get noticed by them for their big discovery. While I haven't met the woman or man that I think will make me a best seller (in reality that is really only myself) I have learned tons of names in the business and been able to get a snipit of their personality making them much easier to recall later. This I believe has been invaluable to me as an ambitious writer. Something I did not take into consideration before coming to AWP. Off to more panels.

"Ritual" by Heather Cox

2010-03-28T17:05:00.003-05:00

Please visit Dark Sky Magazine to ready Heather Cox's poem "Ritual." Cox is one of the first Serif members to be published. http://www.darkskymagazine.com/ritual/

Also, appearing soon at Dark Sky Magazine, two of Alex York's, poetry genre lead for Serif, poems. More to come later.

Kozol and Networking

2010-03-28T14:34:00.003-05:00

For my Cultural Capital class I read Shame of the Nation, by Jonathan Kozol. The book details the widening gap in the different types of education being received by white children and minority children using poignant stories and statistics over the last thirty plus years. Immediately, I was uncomfortable with how the language of the book was very black and white. That is to say, Kozol spoke of race aggressively, without qualifiers, and honestly from page one to page three hundred and fifteen. This was a style of writing I had not come across in any of my academic texts. I was uncomfortable not because he talked about race but because he did it without trying to "sugar coat" his position or the true position of the educational situation for majority of minority children. Thus, I think my uncomfortablenesses was something Kozol was hoping to achieve. Something I believe he was hoping would sit badly with me enough to cause me to react. In this, way I believe the book is successful because I did find I was asking myself afterwards what can I do to change this reality in America. A reality that lets elementary children go to schools infested with rats, high school students forced in to vocational classes and education paths because a lack of open and over crowded classes, and misappropriated state funding that does not work on a need basis. Our class was assigned to read this book in preparation of Roosevelt University's One book One University event. Our first class back after spring break, we attend this event in which Kozol spoke to a large group that filled the 2nd floor lounge. Kozol used many stories and statistics from his book in his lecture. However, I found he predominantly used the stories to highlight points in this lecture and tended to add on many comic asides to entice a laugh from his audience. I think I would have liked to hear him speak more to the current state of affairs since his book was published in 2005 and what changes if any he saw happening under the new President. This "what now" "next step" element was not a large enough component of his argument. Which I think would be O.K. if he only wanted to create awareness but I do not think that is his primary goal. He did speak of some solutions that worked in the past, such as busing, and what leader in education thought needed to happen in order for change to occur. Another movement is thought to be the answer to ignite the momentum behind the original verdict of the Brown vs Board of Education case. If that is true, the awareness Kozol does succeed in raising plays an important role in educating those may be interested in devoting their time to such a movement. His best piece of advice was in answer to a woman's question of how everyday people can help dissolve the apartheid education in America. Kozol says to hold Obama accountable. Something I think we as a nation may be doing already too prematurely on his overall performance a year after his Presidential victory.

Now the fun part of the story. After the lecture Kozol stayed and refused to leave, though threat of missing his plane by the event coordinator was ever present, until he signed every last student or attendees book that waited in line. I was toward the back of the line and when I reached him I happen to mention I was a writer. His first question - Who is your favorite poet? This is where I cursed myself for not reading the poetry anthology my good friend gave me for Christmas and so graciously highlighted all the major poets and poems any good writer should know. I dodged the question by saying I am actually a fiction writer and unfortunately do not read enough poetry because of it. He then told me to hang out a bit we should compare notes when he was done. I was very excited at his very unexpected request. Because contrary to the belief that I do not like to network, because I do and want to, I am just very bad at networking. So to have a very accomplished writer and scholar ask to compare notes with me I was besides myself. Because he was in a great rush the meeting was brief and it was me mainly walking him to his airport car out front. However, in that short amount of time we exchanged contact information, shared our favorite writers, (he like Faulkner and Graham Greene), and he told me it was a shame I did not live in the Cambridge area because he had a house a bunch of writer types liked to hang out at. Damn! I was hoping he may have had a similar house in Chicago since he made so many friends and contacts all over the nation but he did not. So with a small hug, travel safe wishes, and promises to be in touch I ended my night on cloud nine.

That was one of the few nights I was able to say I say I successfully networked with a fellow writer and scholar of the arts. Though he may write about different things than I, we both shared a love of literature and the power of words.

Inspiration and Celebration

2010-03-17T09:24:00.004-05:00

February was rough. The job that pays the bills didn't seem to let up and I barely caught any breaks. However, that did not mean I didn't do lots of writing and re-writing, in my head mostly, but that should count on some level. And in reality it did. When I sat down to write my next story the words came very easily. I read CivilWarLand in Bad Decline, by George Saunders in preparation for writing this story. It was suggested to me by my first thesis adviser when I told him my premise for the story. However, I am approaching my story from a complete different angel than Saunders does with his stories in the book. Yet, his stories helped me seriously consider the setting and atmosphere in which my story would take place. I think this influence might help some of the realities ring more true without having to explicitly state them. I will admit it has been one of the most easy stories to write that has no personal parallel to anything in my own life. That accomplishment in and of itself was something I never thought I would get too in any near future. Though I now feel slight anxiety because I do not have a complete story idea after I finish this story. The one I am working on now I have been thinking about since last September. I like to mull it over for awhile.
I do however, have what I think can be a short short completely out of my style. Lately, going over the details of that possible short short keep me up at night. Ironically, it was something I wrote in bed by the light of my phone on a night other anxieties were keeping me up. I still sleep more than any person might at my age, no worries. Thus, I feel compelled to do something with the story, yet, it's not a piece I think will fit into my thesis. Not that that is a bad thing, only that I promised myself to stay focused. But who am I to not to let inspiration lead my astray when so many other times inspiration leaves me high and dry. More to come on that.

Lastly, the celebration news. Serif, my submission group has arrived! The past couple meetings have been more community building and writing focused. Not specifically submission focused but more all the things on the path to submitting. I have to thank all my friends for actively participating in the group despite their busy schedule. That may be as simple as coming to all the meeting and/or participating on the online forums set up. I truly appreciate your support and throw many good vibe wishes your way for your submission. But to the point - Heather Cox (http://adisheveledsoul.blogspot.com/2010/03/howl.html) has received an acceptance letter for her poem "Ritual" at Dark Sky Magazine!(http://www.darkskymagazine.com/). Heather is probably the most active of all Serif members and her enthusiasm has rewarded her. I am very proud and tickled. It reminds me why I created the group and gives me hope that it will continue to exist after I graduate. Congrats, Heather.

Serif Genre Mtgs and First Workshop

2010-02-10T16:45:00.003-06:00

The first genre meetings for Serif were Monday and Tuesday and they went well. The fiction meeting started off slow due to a simultaneous meeting but overall it ended on a high note. There was lots of good discussion and people seems interested and invested in getting their ducks in a row to submit. The one drawback was we ended the meeting without definite magazines picked out to submit to. I understand this is a process that may require a little more time than one hour on a Monday night, but I want to keep everyone focused and committed to the end goal. Thus, part of that is to have a clear idea of where one is submitting to and the requirements of that magazine. But I did encourage active research all this week and a decision by early next week. It is not that I want them to rush into something being unsure, but I want to try and keep them on track and serious about exposing their work to the world. I have good feelings overall.

The poetry meeting, which I was sorry I could not attend even though I REALLY wanted to seemed to go very well. I heard very good feedback from its participants and that group seems very full throttle. I might ask for them to switch their meeting time so I can join because I really want to try and resubmit the poems that were just recently rejected :). My favorite thing about the meeting was I heard Alex, my poetry genre lead, brought everyone envelopes. I love it. That is a fantastic way to subtly get the message out there that we need to submit more. They decided to pick one general magazine for all to try and submit too as well as their own individual choices. I'm a little envious sure, but poetry seems to be an easier genre to turn around and submit elsewhere if rejected. I say this only based on the vast size difference between one typical short story and one typical poem.

My first workshop was Monday night and I was excited to get feedback. The story I submitted was unlike any other story I've tried to write. For one it had nudity in it. [dramatic pause] It was about a woman getting a massage. [sigh of disappointment] However, I used words like panties, which I despise and had to listen to people talk about nude this nude that all workshop. What did I expect right? I'm not a prude, but I don't often discuss these things with 12 acquaintances either. Long story short I was slight giddy and tried not to giggle like a child when people were talking. The general comments concerning my story were expected. I already mapped out some of the changes needed in the draft and nodded along as people pointed them out. Majority of the class read my main character as sympathetic. This was surprising to my professor. He read her as despicable. Though I will admit this was not my original intent.

His take on my story was very interesting and different from what I usually go for in a story. Although I do not think it will make me change my story around to make his reading of it the dominant one, I dig that he is able to go there with what I gave him. The one thing he did say that I am not sure I agree with completely is his take on associative/memory driven writing. His stance is many have tried to do this over the years and it never works out great. Then my question to him would be, how then does one write in that style well? My classmate assumes his answer is not to write in that style at all. I will soon find out in our one-on-one conference next Monday. And if he is reading my blog I guess he has a few more days to think it over. Alice Munro utilizes this style in many of her story. I have often been referenced to her after someone reads one of my stories. As far as I can tell she is a very successful writer.

His comment I think rather stems from his specific taste in writing. This is more or less something that comes through very clear in many of his class comments and story selections. I don't like to pigeon hold anyone into a category or type but George Saundars was his teacher and he mentioned liking Kurt Vonnegut. I am not arguing it is necessarily a bad thing. His taste are very different from everyone in the class. Thus, he is essentially opening our eyes to other options and giving us techniques we may not have otherwise explored to use in our own stories. However, it is yet to be determined if he will let his taste dictate his workshop suggestions and comments. My story is rough and still able to be bent down any avenue of style, theme, and plot change. I loved his take on my story. The rest is TBD.

First Story Results

2010-02-02T19:10:00.003-06:00

The week was rough. My goals were high. The move went well but nothing has quite found it's proper place yet. A small detail that made finishing my story and keeping up with my word count difficult. It is hard to concentrate on what a character is going to do next when there is a mess waiting to be dealt with at the end of one's desk. The results of my 500 daily word count were fair/good. I was more or less about 250 words behind after the first two days. But I did make a honest attempt each day to sit down and write something even when completely uninspired. I did beat myself up over it a few times too. I said self, this is what you do, you are a writer. 500 words a day should be a small afternoon snack. I blame my type A tendencies. I often want to write scenes in order and over think what perfect word I need for a line of dialog. This time I tried to break away from those habits. I often forced myself in order to make my word count. Needless to say the hardest task about writing on such a short deadline was the climax scene and the ending. Those two areas I cannot promise won't read slightly flat in this first draft. Plus, I also worried about turning in a "polished" draft. Thank goodness for my cousin in LA who proofed my story only a few hours before it was due.

Needless to say, I liked the 500 words a day goal. With the added deadline it really pushed me to do my writing. It will also hopefully in the future help me get use to writing fast. I am going to try and keep that goal going. To assist me in that endeavor I have opted out of getting cable in my new apartment. Although I did sign up for Netflixs. I have to have something for those rainy unmotivated days. But I think this will be a good decision in the end. More writing will be done as well as more reading. Lastly, my first issue of the New Yorker came today. I probably would never seek out a subscription to this magazine on my own. The magazine actually mailed me a unbelievable deal for a two year subscription that was foolish to pass up. Thus, I now have my first literary magazine subscription. I am feeling very writerish (if that is a word). However, I've discovered its just as addicting as all the gossip magazines. I want another one. I can't decide however, if I should get another literary subscription or an industry subscription like Poets and Writers or Writer's Digest. Things to sleep on.

Group Lanuch and More Rejection News

2010-01-27T16:44:00.003-06:00

Serif's first meeting was Monday night. It went pretty well and much quicker than I anticipated. However, no one really had any questions so it was mostly just me talking. I think most people were excited about it, besides the one person who did not seem to be taking a valid interest. But perhaps he/she already submits enough on their own and thought this was a different type of group. Well wishes to them and I hope to expand the group's vision eventually but starting out I think its important to be narrowly focused. Baby steps. We have our next meetings set and I gave everyone homework. It is really something everyone should be doing anyways, I asked that they bring in a literary journal to the next meeting. I wanted everyone to suggest different magazines to submit to and use it as a launching pad to great discussions and decisions about what their focus is going to be this semester. The turnout was very good too. I think it was about 12 people give or take those who could not make it or stay the entire time. I am feeling pretty good so far and excited to get to work!

Now the second part of my header today. Today at work I got my self-addressed envelope back for my poetry submission. I did not even feel like opening it. But I did! Just in case my assumption was wrong and it was a great welcome to the published world packet. Though I had high hopes I pouted for a half a second and then became excited to turn the poem around to another magazine. What magazine you ask? TBD. Perhaps I'll use my group to get the poems back out there. More to come later.

Lastly, a brief morsel about my first class this semester. The program has now hired two new fiction professors, finally! Not that I do not value the fiction professor I have taken for my last two fiction classes, but I am ready for a new perspective. And may I say I am tickled about their selection. (Well one half of the selection - to be fair I've only met one of them) Professor Levin is a quality addition to the program. He is serious, tough, and has high expectations. This is not to say he is not delightful either. He began class by matching our names with our faces he Internet stalked (self admitted). He also set some very good ground rules to our semester workshop I believe these rules will make this workshop one of the best I have taken at RU so far. First, everyone must read every piece twice one for enjoyment and one for line editing. Second, everyone must have something to say in workshop and not just "I raised my hand and spoke, now I can pretend not to listen." But he insists what we say is composed of quality, thoughtfulness, and aimed at bettering the overall piece. These all may seem very natural and expected requirements of any workshop taken, but is often not expressed out loud. It is rather left to be assumed by all involved. Needless to say, I am looking forward to the class. I am not however, excited that I have to submit the first week. Between working overtime for the past three weeks, moving, and barely sleeping, producing a quality story in one weeks time is stressful. I gave myself a 500 word count goal each day, starting yesterday, to get it finished in time. Day one - success! Day two - I am distracting myself from getting started. But I must make it!

New Endeavor

2010-01-22T22:58:00.004-06:00

Big news. Well maybe not big but feels big. I have an active mind that keeps me wake late into the night all too often. I have started a new student-run organization called Serif. (Thank you sis for the name) It is a group focused on submitting original works frequently. Or rather, helping students to dive in and sink into the writing lifestyle. People go to grad school for all types of reasons. I went to grad school because I knew I needed structure, deadlines, and consequences to help me reach my goals of what I wanted out of life. I wanted to be a writer. But I lacked the discipline to make the time to consistently sit down and write. Grad school also gave me inspiration and information on how to and when to submit. Yet, all the presentations in the world did not help me revise with publishing purpose or get my manuscripts in the mail any faster.
So after I slapped myself on the hands for the last time, I made a plan. I wanted to create a forum where we as students can hold each other accountable for making it as writers. When one of us succeeds its good news for all of us! Plus, if more of the students in the program start submitting the chances of publication increases and so does the credibility of the program. My goals here are far reaching for everyone. Because if nothing at all comes of this the students in the program have another outlet for community building. The initial response of interest is slow coming. However, kingdoms weren't built in one day. I am happy to have some very good people in place to help me and the support of my family and friends in my endeavor. I will know if I truly succeeded in a couple years if this program is still in operation long after I have gone and if more like it have sprung up. The first meeting is Monday, January 25th at 5pm. I will be back with updates!

Round two

2010-01-09T15:01:00.003-06:00

I've recently submitted again. Which is very exciting for me because I switched genres this time. I chose to submit four different poems I originally wrote a year ago. That kind of time in between revisions truly lets a writer get down to busy fast. All the initial attachments to the work is gone and I can see the lines, words, and images as a first time reader might. This also enables me to have a fast turn around. This might be the way I work best - fast turn arounds. All that pressure to meet the deadline narrows down and makes me expect serious results from myself. There is no "I'll get to that part tomorrow," or "I'll come back to that when I think about it more." This submission is different from the previous because it is requested to be done through ground mail. Thus, requiring a cover letter. I am not a fan of cover letters. True I am a writer and should be able to handle this without much distress, but the truth is quite contrary. It's almost as nerve wrecking as revising my work. A poor cover letter practically ruins your chances before the editor reads your work. I just keep mine very simple and to the point. One paragraph and I am done. Hopefully, that encourages the editor to jump straight to my work.

I am pretty optimistic about anything in life and so it is natural for me to feel pretty good about this submission. I am not positive about the response time, but hopefully I will be so involved in finishing my thesis I forget all about it until the good news circles back around. Cross your fingers for me.

"Did I work Today?"

2010-01-04T22:24:00.003-06:00

Today is a rough day. It is one of those days I am reminded that I am not anywhere near where I thought I would be in life. This of course is a good and bad thing. Bad because I feel deflated and like I am running in place. Good because the playing field is still wide open and has many paths to choose from. But I still feel a little down. Then I found an old handout from one of my workshop professors Joshua Henkin entitled "Letter to a Young Writer." The letter is mostly comprised of his Ten Commandments to young writers but also gives honest advice and perspective. It reminds me to remember that any serious attempt to live and work as a writer is a very tough and beautiful thing. That the only question worth asking each day is "did I work today?" This is important because there are many days that I can't answer that question in the affirmative. That is my only failure. Where I am in life compared to where I thought I'd be will very rarely match up. However, if I can work everyday at where I want to be then I am successful. I am successful because by making time everyday my end goals can only be closer to being reached. Thank you J. Henkin. And yes, today I put in work.

First Submission and First Rejection

2009-11-29T15:31:00.002-06:00

I submitted a fiction piece for the first time ever at the end of October. I knew there was still work I wanted to do on the piece, but then I remembered a quote from a past workshop, "When does revision ever truly end?" So, knowing the faults in the piece I chose to submit it anyways. Of course I dreamed of the slight possibility an editor would accept my story, flaws and all. But I wasn't surprised either when I received the rejection email. The submission was for a contest by Narrative magazine. It was easy and took very little time to complete. The perfect combination for this virgin submitter. Now, with my first rejection out of the way I feel eager to welcome more. Let me explore that last statement more. I am eager to begin submitting more and paying the necessary dues of receiving "a certain amount of rejection" until that first ACCEPTANCE letter. I've already reworked the piece I submitted and feel very positive about its next submission.

Computer vs Notebook

2009-10-02T12:25:00.003-05:00

Many writers, especially the new or young, try to devise plans of action to ensure they are constantly writing. This is important particularly for the writers that have many competing activities for their time (and honestly who does not fall into this category). In the world of wireless connections and the all-in-one computer (the cellphone), writers have many choices to pick from when trying to get their work down. I argue the biggest debate of this process is what is more productive, using the computer or writing it all out by hand? I am torn on the subject. I love the computer for its easy edits, clear legibility, and ease of structural changes. Yet, the computer can be just as distracting as my own life. The Internet is always trying to seduce me to a new Google search, my cluttered desktop begs to be cleaned, and perusing through a photo slide show is always a tempting trip.
So then I scream, just give me my paper and pen and I will produce pages! This too has its perks and downfalls. The blank (or lined) page is a refreshing return to the basics. The tools are more portable than computer cases and power cords. And there are fewer distractions within the tools themselves. It is the outside distractions that seem to take over. I also find it hard sometimes when returning to write, not to reread and edit what I wrote before. Most distressing is the ease with which the creative pages once created can be lost forever. The notepad has not evolved a "save" button just yet.
Therefore, what is the better medium for writing? The obvious answer is it changes with each individual. Everyone has their own "in-the-zone" environment, but it's important to be open to others' suggestions. As we change as writer's so does our own tastes and productive capabilities.
Personally, I work best with a pen and legal pad. I often prefer to write small segments of my work over a longer period of time. I need the chance to get the piece out in as many ways as possible to find what it truly wants to be. For example, I worked on a short story all summer never writing more than three pages, but I wrote them in over ten different points of views, tenses, and structures. I believe I needed to do this in order to narrow down my own style of writing. Too explore the different techniques available to me as a writer and which ones work best for me. The goal being the more I write the easier it will be for me to discover my own voice. And as of today it is the pen and pad that helps me on that journey.

Balance

2009-08-31T20:02:00.003-05:00

Shame on me. It has been over a month since my last update. The true nemesis of the writer is every writer's day job. I admit for the past month I have been a slave to mine and only found reward in the paycheck received at the end of each week. The real life reminder of what I am working towards one day with my writing - money! But of course there are tons of mental, mind stimulating satisfactions to feed my gratification appetite until that day arrives. However, what is the best way to combat a rising up in the day job duties? The setting aside of time is the most common and obvious answer. Yet, that does not always prevail when the day job is taking up more than its set aside time physically and mentally. Hence the silence. It reflects very ill on my dedication to live the writer's lifestlye. I can only be glad the busy season at work last at most one month and not months. Now I must gather all my unfinished threads and begin again down the path of a successful writer. With some of my motivation lost I spent the day reading the last book of my summer reading list, The Book of Laughter and Forgetting by Milan Kundera. Though not as promising as I originally expected I am enjoying it as a different take on the concept to laugh and forget. Look for a review soon on my main page www.brittanyturski.com. Having actually reached the end of my summer reading list I hope I am reinspired to aggressively chase after the other goals I began about a month ago. I will do better to keep you updated on that progress and check my day job back into balance.

Back to Basics

2009-07-28T10:27:00.003-05:00

As a writer you spend countless hours thinking of the right adjective, verb, or word in general to paint a scene for your reader. Even as a child, I loved words and often had the idea I'd read the dictionary to be smarter than my twin sister. Although my innate competitiveness played a huge factor in that divine idea, there was more behind it. In the poems and stories I wrote I constantly searched, and still do, for new ways to say things. As a small child that meant using "big" words or "hard to spell words." Thus, I spent numerous years trying to build up my vocabulary to enhance my writing.
In the past week I have wrote and rewrote one introductory paragraph about the characters in my children's book project. The many revisions of my four to five sentence paragraph concentrated on trying to make it more concise. As a naturally wordy person in speech and writing you can imagine my difficulty. After the tenth or so draft I felt pretty good about the little paragraph I mulled over constantly.
I put it aside and finally having a day off went to the library to do some further research
on children's books in general. After drilling the librarian about different types of children's books, popular authors, and story lines I left with 14 books to further investigate. Last night I manage to get though a couple of the books. When finished it became obvious to me I still had lots of work to do on my little paragraph. Bottom line, the children's book is much more simple in its language than I assumed. When reading the books through the first time I found the language exciting and entertaining. The concepts and motivations in the stories were clear and interesting. Only when reading through a second time did I notice how the wording was simple and straight to the point.
Thus, after years of trying to build up my language and vocabulary I now have to get back to the basics. This is truly a great exercise for any writer. A story is much more poignant if you can say more with less. Therefore, what I describe with two adjectives is better said with one. What I explain in three sentences might read better as two. I think sometimes as creative persons, writers tend to over think a sentence or scene and lose their original intentions. I know I do. So, next time I sit down with my little paragraph I plan to scratch out all the fluff and get it down to the bare bones. Only then can I truly see if my main idea is still intact and what if any further details are truly needed.

Project Updates

2009-07-21T11:27:00.005-05:00

Small update of things to come. I am currently overwhelmed with the projects I have given myself, but love the pressure. My sister and I are in talks about the development of our children's book character Charlie Hoot (the owlet). We have finally decided on his friends' names and characters. They are Finley Swiss (the field mouse) and Amaya Phew (the skunk). More to come shortly. Also, I have started my eighth book of the summer Leo Tolstoy's The Cossacks. Look for a review on this book and other "Books of the Summer" reviews soon at www.brittanyturski.com.

Day One

2009-07-15T20:30:00.004-05:00

I must first give a large thanks to my friend Adam who helped me become more web savvy by setting up this blog site. Adam, thanks. I have spent the past several days seriously contemplating the look and feel of this site. In all honesty, I am still mulling it over. If anything, I hope it will allow me to explore and push past the limits of my creativity and writing ability. As my adventure in Roosevelt University's MFA program enters into its down slope I hope to stay focused on my the main goal - to write and live as a writer. Much easier said than done, but still the path I choose. :)